


Hidden Away

by kaeorin



Series: Loki's Lullabies [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Hiding, Lullabies, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeorin/pseuds/kaeorin
Summary: You try to lock yourself away from Loki so he can’t see you panic, but it’s not that easy. (Short little plotless fluff-bomb!)
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Series: Loki's Lullabies [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678240
Comments: 7
Kudos: 247





	Hidden Away

When your fear finally grew too large and swallowed you whole, Loki thought you were showering. 

That had been your intent, at least, but, as you often did, you’d been scrolling through your phone while you brushed your teeth, and maybe there had simply been one too many end-of-the-world type news stories on your social media feed. It felt like the entire world was shutting down and yet not enough of the world was shutting down, and businesses were closed, and so many jobs were entirely uncertain, and no one knew anything, and your throat felt like it was closing up. You’d barely managed to finish brushing your teeth and turn on the shower to cover the sound of your gasps before it all hit.

It was ridiculous for you to be this frightened, you knew. Although you’d been laid off, your boss had assured you, in as confident a voice as she could manage, that she was fairly certain she’d be able to hire you back when this was all over. You had the savings to make it through for a while. You had your health, and you had the ability to keep yourself locked safely inside. If nothing else, you had an Asgardian prince who had connections, however weak, to Tony Stark and an unrivaled devotion to none other than you. Logically speaking, you were going to be _fine_.

But maybe logic was no match for this terror.

You sat on the edge of the tub with your arms crossed protectively across your midsection, hunching down to make yourself as small as you possibly could while you waited for this to pass. It always passed. Sometimes your brain just needed a few minutes to spiral completely out of control before you could go back to being perfectly normal and rational. With each passing second, you grew more and more aware of how loud you were breathing. Loki was only down the hall in the living room, almost certainly reading peacefully on the couch. You wanted to hide this from him. It was still too early for him to see you like this.

You did all the things you’d been taught to do to try to calm yourself down, even though they never worked. All the strategies that well-meaning friends and acquaintances had tried to talk you through, they only ever made you more aware of how out of control you were. What worked for you was sitting as quietly as you could and letting this wreak its havoc on you. You could always pick up the pieces when you were done. If Loki thought it was odd you took so long a shower, that was fine. It’d be easier to explain than... _this_.

There was a knock on the door. You sank your teeth into your fist to try to shut up. “Darling, are you alright in there?” 

“Yeah!” you chirped back quickly. Even to your ears, your voice sounded...crazy. “I’m fine! Thank you! I’ll be out soon!”

He didn’t say anything for a while—it was impossible for you to know how long—but then you heard him turn the doorknob. You wanted to leap up and throw yourself against the door to keep it shut, but you were frozen. It creaked open, and Loki peeked inside. When he saw you sitting there, instead of tucked safely behind the shower curtain, his eyebrows furrowed and he stepped inside. “What is it?”

Your mind raced, spinning through all kinds of clinical explanations and excuses and assurances that you were fine, really, but you couldn’t say any of them out loud. You could only shake your head and cover your face with your hands. If you couldn’t see him, maybe he couldn’t see you. In a different situation, you might have laughed at yourself.

Without a word, he sat beside you on the tub and slipped his arm around your back to pull you closer to him. He held you tightly enough so you could feel him, feel supported, but not so tightly that you felt constrained. No one had ever managed that before. “It’s okay,” he said in a low voice. It sounded like he meant it. “You’re going to be alright. I’m here. It’s going to be fine.” He didn’t try to get you to take deep breaths. He didn’t tell you that this was all in your head. He didn’t try over and over again to assure you that you were actually fine, that you were actually safe, as though your brain could be convinced of anything right now. He just supported you and kissed your temple and told you over and over again that things were going to be okay. Maybe they weren’t _right now_ , but they were going to be. He sounded so sure of that.

Gradually, your mind began to slow. It stopped spiraling off into crazy directions and instead fell mostly silent, like a bird that had worn itself out against the bars of its cage. In the past, you’d often dissolved into tears after attacks like these, but, intensely aware of Loki beside you, you forced yourself to hold it together. Shakily, you lowered your hands from your face, keeping your head ducked low, and mumbled your best attempts at apologies.

“It’s okay,” he repeated, slipping his hand beneath your shirt to caress the bare skin of your back. “It’s okay. What happened?”

Nothing. Everything. You wanted simply to shake your head at him again, but got the sense that he wouldn’t accept that now. Instead, you shrugged. “Just...it was too much. My brain freaked out a little. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” His voice was firm. “You’ve nothing to apologize for. Except, perhaps, for trying to hide from me so I couldn’t help you.” He drew soft circles against your lower back, and the feeling helped to ground you. “Please don’t hide from me.”

You caught yourself before you could apologize to him again, and instead sighed as you leaned in closer to him. He was so solid and lovely that it was hard to remember why, exactly, you’d thought you needed to hide from him in the first place. You felt him rest his chin on the top of your head. Hesitantly, you reached out to take his other hand. As soon as you did, he pulled your hand up to his lips so he could kiss your knuckles. You sat together quietly for a few more moments before Loki drew in another breath.

“You know, love, I would be more than happy to help you shower. If you’d like.” You could hear the sly smile in his voice, and it made you laugh. But you didn’t say no.


End file.
